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THIS JOURNAL IS MOSTLY ME ONLY

yep. not just friends only, but I post in here with some frequency, and set the privacy to me only.

if you want to be on a special filter for people that can hear things mostly nonjudgmentally and mind their own business, I might do that. Comment if you want. I have three people that each have their own filter cause they are old friends and I trust them.

Just thought you should know?
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Neglect of dependent, anger

I haven’t told Ember yet that I’m pissed 😤. But I am very pissed.

She agreed to take care of PeeWee while I was gone starting Monday until today, Saturday.

She told me last night that she hadn’t cleaned the litter box even once since I’ve been gone. I told her calmly that that was not good for PeeWees health and could cause him to decide the box was too dirty and go elsewhere.

Today I get home and she still didn’t do it, told me over text she decided to do the dishes instead. I don’t see how it’s an instead sort of situation.

She told me she was too tired to do it because of battling the flea infestation which seems to me like a guilt trip. There was nothing I could have done to prevent this.

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Grief

My physics club friend Pete just said to me he has an analogy between weather and emotion. He says there is the daily ups and downs, weather for the day, week, or month, but there is a general climate that it all fits into. He says the base of that climate is grief. The world is a very very sad place.

This came up because I just had acupuncture for the second time. Both times I started silently sobbing 15 min or so into it. This time it helped my pain but I feel emotionally fragile. Last time, I sobbed for upwards of 6 hours afterwards. Whole body sobs bigger than I can ever remember having, such that I just put myself over the sink most of the time to drain my tears and snot and cough up the phlegm which I get when sobbing. I always feel like I’m going to choke, and it’s a legit fear.

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2 weeks

That plan I had to not see a new person more often than every two weeks
...

I forgot about it but it was a good plan. I also noticed when reading my old diary that i had a plan to know someone for months before sleeping with them. Also a solid plan. I'm not doing to bad at that one but i might've been able to date Scout if I had followed those rules.

I saw Ember tonight. She helped me look at a car, and I took her out to eat at soully vegan, where there happened to be a live funk band and I happenedto dance and the band told me to come to any show and bring my girlfriend, and I blushed a lot and Ember shyly told me she liked the sound of that.

So now I need to not fuck it up again by getting all entitled acting like I do when I'm Dating someone vs just going on dates with them.

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Cat pee

I'm confused and disturbed get my room smells faintly of cat pee. I don't even know where to start looking for that and part of me wants to give up and just never have company over again.

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Proper care and feeding of my metamore

How inappropriate is it to offer to help a metamore that I've only briefly met with securing housing? How additionally inappropriate is it to offer to pay temporarily the difference in cost for a more expensive place until they find a cheaper one.

My own rent is very low. Im working very hard to save money so I can someday have foster kids.

Right now, though, my metamore, who is only 20, is struggling. And while I've only met them breifly, they are precious to me by way of being precious to my girlfriend.

I think we are both over protective because they are young and small. I also have a personal interest in my metamore not moving in with my girlfriend, for obvious selfish reasons as well as wanting to minimize how codependant they are for the sake of their relationship.

I feel i need to justify or reality check myself before offering hundreds of dollars and/or hella time. But this isn't out of character. I'm evidently very resourceful and generous. I want to pay forward all the help and good luck I've had.

But will i just sound crazy?

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Sex dream

I've had sexual dreams the last three nights in a row i think. Last night I almost had dream sex with Annie but Sormeh cockblocked us. I forget the night before. Before that i dream fingered Jay but he would not let me go down on him even though he wanted it, and also got propositioned by a sexy aged female werewolf,  but she had an orgy  with stone other people.

Sex dreams where i don't get a chance to get off. Wtf.