Do I have to lock my entries to keep out undue negativity and gossip? really?

I didn't want to leave where I was, but felt I should go support Brian by showing up.

My bike broke twice on the way home to get dressed.

on the way there I fell of my bike twice, hurting my feet, and my back bike light fell off and broke.

When I got there, and was locking up my bike, some guy started peeing on the sidewalk a few feet away from me. (that is Telegraph for you)

There were 5 women and three men total. after a while Iggy and Maggie showed up. Partly this is because I was late.

My skirt was too short, showing my ass. Making me a little self conscious. I was having a hard time dancing to the music Brian had chosen. perhaps I just wasn't in the right groove: not having enough partners (and they were all worn out), feeling self consious etc.

On the way back I went the wrong way down one way streets thrice.


But I'm in an ok mood in spite.

ben pushed me some of the way to Kensington, but it was still a vigorous bike ride for me. The Huffy I'm borrowing is so so heavy. I feel so beautiful and healthy right now because of the ride. I am hoping my legs are sore tomorrow.

Ben is so amazing. He went on this ride and helped me up the hill, and ten treated me to Thai food afterwards.

we got to Myles house and I finished the hair cut that Sara started, and there was much fun had. I had cookies, fruit-tart, cheese/crakers, wine, and chocolate cake. We hung out with Mike Bloxam too, Myles' dad. He is pretty funny.

BIking back wasn't as scary as I thought. Biking down hill is scary in different way than biking up hill is on that bike. I only have a brake for the back wheel, you see. luckily I have good control. I got a scare a couple times going down hill on the way there.

Now I am well fed and sleepy. I was a good day, all of it!

We have no community, no accountability.

The police are there for extreme shit, but I think that just encourages people to not "get into other people's business."

People don't want to be rude, or rock the boat. Or they feel entitled to their actions, or don't know how to act, don't know how to be close to people (mostly women) without violating them.



Share with me stories of the exceptions. The guys who surprised you be being a reasonably good person.

Hey. guess what. I am happy. Yup.

I just doesn't go away. I am just sort of stuck this way most the time. Well, not stuck. it just happened this way. Stuck would imply things should be making me unhappy.

Actually there are a few things that do/did. But I dealt with that. Because Being unhappy does not get anything done for me right now.


Happy happy happy. It just doesn't go away.

Barbara's friend Lorna has one (or two) rooms to rent for 4 or 5 hundred/month. Right next to rockridge Bart. Musicians preferred.

That's all.

And when i do, not staying here long. It involves only ever spending physical time with a few people (as opposed to the internet which is good for keeping tabs on other people I care about). It involves eating right, and not scheduling too much into a day, so that I can focus.

It involves focusing for hours at a time. It involves going to the grocery store and farmers market. It involves learning how to cook, and possibly becoming veggie or vegan.

It involves minimizing the clutter in my room. And taking naps in the sunshine. It involves music, paint, books, ink, paper, cloth, and thread, and maybe even glue.

It IS taking care of myself.
It IS alone time.
It IS loving myself, feeding myself, literally and intellectually and gastrointestinally.
It is connecting with reality, and time, and that which I hold dear.
It is connecting with those I love, and have loved, more than it is connecting with new people. Kind of a sacrifice that I feel needs to be made, especially considering I can't stop myself from being interested in new people either way.

It is educating myself - the college of Mackenzie i used to joke about starting.
It is...Functioning.


What else is it?

My friend from out of state got an internship in SF this summer, and needs, you know, to sleep somewhere. Let me know if you hear of anything or anyplace.

I am in such a wonderful mood, and this is even with forgetting to take antidepressants for the past few days, and being annoyed with a few things. It is simply beautiful (if a little warm) out, and I was reading Terry Pratchett feet of clay, which is an awesome book.

I finished it. Also, this little girl shouted hello at me out of her car as I rode past and i shouted hello back.

As long as we respect each other, recognize that everyone has something to bring to the table, and as long as we can communicate, especially to ask for help, and to be able both to say no, and to accept no as an answer, then we...

then we what? live our lives without having to gripe about the delineation of duties, I guess.

her eyes are grey, and she was staring at the music. Every once in a while she'd smile, at the really dramatic parts. I loves watching the orchestra in 3/4 time. They sway back and forth like waves in the sea.
The Bassists were awesome too.

I'll prolly post a picture later.

Come dancing, like, right NOW, Vintage invasion. 9pm, off university somewhere.

I wont go so far as to say I was being immature... I don't even know what it means to be mature, But I don't deserve the anger I was putting myself through.

Only you can be responsible for how you are treated. You can't wait for other people to be responsible. Sure, it is fine to recognize that someone hurt you, and to try to keep it from happening again. But if you refuse to forgive them, you are hurting yourself.

Today I have realized that this is the first year that I haven't spent at least a few hours making cards for every one.

This is the first time I haven't even cared enough about V-day to say Fuck V-day.


Well. Fuck Valentines day, then, now that I am thinking about it. Though I kind of wish someone would get me flowers. And I guess maybe I will make some cards. Maybe.

"Think about it: is America — not state governments, but the nation as a whole — less able to afford help to troubled teens, medical care for families, or repairs to decaying roads and bridges than it was one or two years ago? Of course not. Our capacity hasn’t been diminished; our workers haven’t lost their skills; our technological know-how is intact. Why can’t we keep doing good things?

It’s true that the economy is currently shrinking. But that’s the result of a slump in private spending. It makes no sense to add to the problem by cutting public spending, too.

In fact, the true cost of government programs, especially public investment, is much lower now than in more prosperous times. When the economy is booming, public investment competes with the private sector for scarce resources — for skilled construction workers, for capital. But right now many of the workers employed on infrastructure projects would otherwise be unemployed, and the money borrowed to pay for these projects would otherwise sit idle.

And shredding the social safety net at a moment when many more Americans need help isn’t just cruel. It adds to the sense of insecurity that is one important factor driving the economy down."

State governments, unlike the nation's overnment, cannot just sort of invent money, or pretend it exists. Yes, America does have to find people to buy it's debt, but playing with the interest rate makes that a mostly doable thing. No ne wants to invest in individual states, it seems, and they are required to balance their budget. This undermines the efforts of the nation of a whole.

The quote above is from: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/29/opinion/29krugman.html

Please reply with quaint/interesting/thoughtful/embarassing thing(s) about me you don't think everyone else on my F-list already knows.

I'll update the entry as y'all add things.

I have a feeling that responses to this meme will be few and far between, feel free to prove me wrong.

Replys:
So.

Apparently I am capable of successfully wearing a belly shirt in spit of my 'borderline pasty-whiteness' because I am confident about it. Yay!

Also, I have pretty socks? Which I think you guys already know. I kind of have a sock fetish.

I remember part of my dream was this great idea I had to do a production of the taming of the shrew with the genders (and gender roles?) reversed. I was the director, or co-director, in my dream.

The problem is I have never read nor seen the taming of the shrew, and I don't know what it is about. I've only seen one scene, I think.

So I'm thinking I should read it.

I think I would be a good director, if I was involved in the theater world. But you can't really legitimately expect anyone to let you direct when you haven't acted in anything significant.

I just thought I realized I probably spend about half of my income on Viola de Gamba lessons. Thankfully... I think I must be wrong. because I know I make more than 20 dollars a week. 9 times 6, before taxes etc. That's still not very much. And I spend about 8 dollars on Bart a week getting to work and to Laney.

Yay. I'm, poor. I'm not hurting for money right now, though, so why worry. I am too young to bust my ass doing boring low paying jobs, instead of, well, living. My time is worth more to me than 9ish an hour, apparently, and why shouldn't it be?

My mom
Mihra
Vince Moulton
Rachel who I just Met
Mary Dougherty
Ari Rabkin
Maybe Sam and Art, since I will be with them earlier that day.
All the wonderful regulars
YOU


Did I forget anyone?